Drawing a Sigh

I sigh –
I draw a heavy breath out of my nose.
I close my eyes – unsatisfactorily – for a while, and try to pretend that the book I’m reading makes sense to me.
I sit with my legs crossed with the smoke of damp tobacco around, and watch the rain fall; I can no longer derive any meaning from it; the rain gods have abandoned their favours on me.
I put up a face – void of any expression; quite unwelcoming.
I watch the clouds getting heavier, and darker; they will soon drain out everything they have; like you have drained out my thoughts out of my mind.
I sit, thoughtless.

I walk –
I kick pebbles of the road, seeing if I can carry them with me; they, however, abandon me.
I stumble on a rock, or two, and out of old habit do I recollect myself up.
I watch a bird fly to its nest as the traffic whistles past my ears.
I walk on the path, coming to the realisation that I’ve missed my lane.
All of my paths, I thought, lead to you;
But they have misguided me, like my feelings for you which show me a faint, flickering light; but, beyond which is absolute nothingness.

I sit quiet and unexpressive –
For hours long, I don’t appreciate any form of intervention, be it my own thoughts indulged in desires, or feelings occupied by unexplainable jealousy.
I am, but a mortal being; I feel to realise and acknowledge my existence,
For abandoning my thoughts and feelings will be abandoning myself.
I try to read my letters for a change, but find out that most of them are addressed to you.
I try to write, forcing my mind to seek relief in knowledge, but all I seem to know is my thoughts for you.

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